all apologies

maybe you'll be wondering why my blog's named this way: it is from the song "Standing on the edge of summer" by Thursday. the vocalist said that it was about her grandmother dying and he was there when it took place. he want to let us know the value of people(according to a downloaded live version). it was said that: "in this house of cars, we are holding hearts and spades... when the people you love get lost in the shuffle when you leave, you leave, nothing but broken heart let it go and you fold" i was taking my math test when this line hit me. it suddenly played around my mind for a long time. i was thinking of why? why? why? then i remembered what the song meant(according to my own understanding). with the help of what the vocalist told, i came up with this purpose and urge to reflect on the things that has been killing me. and again the song played on my mind. now i have something to share to you. the lines were killing me. stabbing me. count the letters and those were the number of the wounds i got from these tragic thoughts. hanging around with you for a short period time was really fun.and i mean it!!! the ends of my lips touched. and i can't help but just to smile and this was the only thing i knew when i'm with you. but behind that fake smiles were the thoughts which keep on pulling my lips back. it was all about you. the time i was with you was just a time of reflection. questions were raised. thinking if what we have was for real. or just for show. how long would this last? where would this end? the weight of the questions were on my shoulders. i was so drowned with emotionally charged songs and relating it to my life. i can see a clear connection among the song, you and me. then, i suddenly realized i was so selfish. i was stupid. i can not even feel your presence though we were so close. the song made my eyes open. i should be valuing the time i am spending with you. i was so foolish that you were so near yet so far. and for that short period of time, i tried to be happy. at first, it was so hard and i feel very obliged. but as i spend enough minutes and hours with you, that just made me feel i was blown away by great storm and made me realize that the minutes i'm spending with you was the heaven i have been longing to live. and it may be the greatest. the place was cold but you by my side was the warmth i really need. this event was one of my, call it stereotype, most unforgettable moment. how i wish i could turn back time. all i can do was to just wish it would all happen again. pray. pray. pray. now the lyrics haunting me again. telling me that i must have spend it better when i realized it earlier. my eyes are tired and hands are weary, think i have to end this... but you, i promise that you...