feeling blue or being blue?

i now am feeling what they had felt before. tapping my hands to the beat (still, i think if it's in the drumline) of higher, think not of creed but soapdish. this is my way not by frank, nor by usher, to forget all of my worries. and since when nervousness became a worry? for some time, i am taking out and in this piece (earphones) off my ears. i am waiting for something not for someone. 9:51 pm. i know, starstruck on the boob tube. expecting for my object of admiration? yes, the three lettered girl. actually, the one that i've been waiting for the result. the evaluation. the outcome. would it be terrible? would i pass? would i flunk? is it my school? is it not my school? the school i've been dreaming. a vision that is on my vision. the feeling sucks. the keys on the board are wet. the knees are trembling as the heart pumps like a well needed in a thousand fire-drowned shanties. the answer to all of these is not love but crap. crap it out. and write it out. write. write. write like your crapping out.