win or lose. you still lose.

i still can't help it, but i still feel like a shit/crap every time i think about it. puta! help? or maybe i don't need any coz in the end, i would be as stubborn as before. i started, i think, badly. and now, that i'm caught up in this mess, i don't know how to get out. and/or i don't want to get out. i just want my things to be ironed out. but how? tell me, please, tell me. let's put it this way. say you'd been playing around and you thought that putting magnet on your shoes, just for kicks. then you ran into a railway, where you can see the smoke of the train. plus, you can barely lift off your shoes - which are actually tied and sewn on your skin. do you cut off your feet and trying running away with severed walking appendages? or wait, 'til the train hit and crush your bones? whatever you choose, you still lose. eureka! you'll then realize that one should not play this stupid game. (i'll be giving you time to think.) finding out this eureka-moment is even worse than being severed or hit. hay... life.

ironic

isn't it ironic? this is incoming sem's gonna be my lightest load, 21 units, but it has the worst schedule. damn enlistment. hay, second sem's coming up and i'm not really ready for it.

2nd sem, 08-09 sched.

this coming semester's gonna be my worst schedule. right now, i don't care whoever my prof's are. what i'm after is the time i would be going home. i have a class at wed, when i should be resting. on mondays and thursday, i have a 3 hour break and i will be going home by 6pm. on tuesdays and fridays, my class should be ending by 1:30pm, but because of ais, i have to wait from 1:30 to 6pm and will be going home by 7:30. arrgghh... i just hope that i could still change my sched.

high school basketball week.

this week has been really about my high school friends. the last time that i got to be with them for the whole week was way back in high school. it was only this week that, from tuesday to friday, i was with them the whole time. it's because marikina science high school is having an alumni basketball tournament during their sportsfest/sembreak. this week was the sportsfest week and next week's gonna be the foundation day/week. [inserted rant: damn the austerity measures done during our time: no prom, no sportsfest, no happiness.] '06 vs. '07 the first quarter was started and ended last tuesday but the following games were continued the next day. it's because it rained. great, right?! i'm actually thinking of saying that i felt the same feelings when it rained, but i thought would that change? especially when your really want to win. anyway, we lost. haha it sucks. [ben] go was right - di kami dapat masyadong kampante, kasi baka masilat pa nila. nasilat nga. '07 won by three points, and it was only the second time that they led. we were leading the whole game but we really got a few rebounds because they were way taller than us. and also, we could have won the game if only we were able to convert the fastbreaks [damn the very small ring]. '06 vs. '08 this time, we won. by a large margin. but still, our captain, casey, was not contented with how we played. it's because we were outrebounded by smaller opponents. and i'm still disappointed, coz i wasn't able to score. arggh. they say it's okay if you weren't able to make a shot if you won a crucial game. but i say, it's not okay if your team's winning by a very large margin, and you're still not capable of scoring. but despite that, i'm still happy that i got to hang-out with my barkada (coz' we're all part of the alumni team, actually everyone from our batch who's playing bball). and oh, here are some of the pictures of our games courtesy of essa. here's my jersey, here's ben and finney's jerseys. ultra sabaw. and thanks to our major sponsor: good morning towel for our towel. sabi ko sa inyo, masaya to eh. ahaha

those damn grades

i'm really depressed. i got a 3.0 for philo-anthro. damn. i know, at least i passed the subject. the problem is that it's sore to the eyes. of whom? whoever will interview or hire me. when? during ojt - that is if i get to reach the fifth year or at work itself. also, i really don't know why i can't still feel the pressure to get good grades. it seems that for the past five semesters and two summers, i've been really lazy. mediocre performance. i know i could do more, but why couldn't i do it? damn. now, i'm mad at myself. i'm expecting lower grades from the other subjects. why? i've been slacking the whole sem. pa-banjing-banjing, ika nga. asar talaga. pero bakit ngayon lang ako naaasar? labo noh? arrgghh... i thought that this was a feel good sem. sorry ma and pa.

hot in herre

it's really hot in here. house, i mean. hot that i can't put myself to sleep coz all i think about is how to lie down without feeling the heat. arrggh... i feel like it's summer already. also, it's like a normal school day, when you feel you're deprived of sleep. damn. (sigh) that only goes to show, we don't have air-conditioning unit here. ... porque estoy muy pobre okay, i'm really bored here. four posts in one day.

i just really thought we were a team. man, they don't have to carry all of the burden. so questioned now here is our purpose. are we just there to fill up the line-up? for display? or so that they could present a so-called "team"? this is worse than the supposedly worst game. i'm feeling really bad right now. frustrated - that i could have help, but i was given a little chance. just a little chance. however, this case's not limited to me only. i could see from the faces and reactions of our "team"mates that they also feel the same sentiment. i even heard someone utter unconsciously something i don't want to disclose. i'm not really here to make a big fuss about what happened today. i just wanna point out that they don't have to push their selves to the limits just to win the game. it seems that they forgot the same words they uttered that they're going to let everyone in. hay... feeling frustrated, feeling bad. i hope the next games will turn out to be good. or even better. i'm sorry.

a bad 07-07-07 for me

last saturday, i attended a surprise party for a granny whom i really don't know. i was just somehow forced by my family to attend. yah, well, i attended the party freely 'cause it was at island cove, cavite. my first reason attending the party is to maybe go around the place and reminisce my first year high school field trip. unfortunately, i wasn't able to do so 'cause it was raining. too bad i didn't get the chance to play with the big chess set or go to the billiards hall where i go to video ben's ball jumping from a wrong shot. also, i attended the party so i could meet some of my distant relatives. if i'm not mistaken, the kids or the adolescents there were my third cousins. i never knew that i had cousins who play violin and a high school for the arts scholar. what i just wanna point out from that party is that i feared to experience the feeling of the celebrant's siblings. they weren't even recognized during the party - maybe during the introduction of the families per table. the celebrant's children planned on surprise party where half of her siblings who were from abroad came back to greet and be with her on her 75th birthday. her children made some very good presentations: her granddaughters playing and singing their stuffs, grandsons dancing, and local celebrities greeting her on a special avp. however, they forget to mention her siblings. they had no part in the surprise. i was assuming because of their difference in status. she had children out of the country providing her a good life whereas her siblings don't have those kind of children. from this experience, i thought that if my children would do the same thing, man, i would feel bad. or much worse, when my brothers and sisters' children would fail to include us in doing presentations like in a special event. they would just make me not part of the family - just like what the celebrants' family did.